Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
