A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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