How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
