I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???