This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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