He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?