two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance