census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
