I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
