Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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