Me too!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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