Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
