peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
