White coat. Heels.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
