I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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