That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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