Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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