I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
