I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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