took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
