girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let's paint friendship bongs
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
whose parrot is this?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
