I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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