my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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