Ambien. No doubt about it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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