I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
