my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
