i dont even know how to be here
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
God I need to hump something, right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
