Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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