i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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