I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
