i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
