You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
