wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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