well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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