Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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