What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
