Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When are your genitals available?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
