We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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