May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
