You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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