so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
