Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
