Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
