now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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