It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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