Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
