im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
