yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Girls should come with a carfax report
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
