Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
