i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
