I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
