Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
