i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
