Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
