I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
