Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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