He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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