So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
