Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
