so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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