I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
