Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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