I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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