To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
