you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
