if i can run in heels then i can drive
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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