Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
