No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
