Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
