so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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