you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
