i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
