lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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