Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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