Already got asked if we're dating
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
