I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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