yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
