I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
