We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so let's talk penis.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
