she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
