in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
