SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
